


The Crippling Weight of Being Alive

by lillypad4life



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, brief Gabriel mention, brief Naomi mention, i was feeling things and needed an outlet, possible trigger warning, this is my first published fic so be nice pls, this is pretty much a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 11:51:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20600327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillypad4life/pseuds/lillypad4life
Summary: Cas is having a shitty day and Dean comes over to comfort him(it’s just real soft and vanilla)





	The Crippling Weight of Being Alive

>> can u come over?

Dean’s heart jumps a little in his chest when Cas’s text pops up on his phone. He knows Castiel only asks him to come over when he’s feeling at his lowest, so he sends him a quick confirmation text before he heads out. Dean grabs his stash box and heads to the store, remembering to grab the mesquite barbecue chips instead of the regular barbecue ones because Cas always insists they taste better. 

Cas’s door is unlocked when Dean finally arrives at his apartment. Dean wants to go in and bitch at him for leaving it open, but knows it wouldn’t be appreciated in his current state. So instead he locks it behind him and makes his way towards the bedroom with groceries in hand. 

Cas’s room looks exactly as he expects it to, clothes and random junk thrown in every which direction. Dean knows how hard it gets when Cas’s depression hits him, making it hard to even get out of bed, let alone take care of his laundry or clean his apartment. He makes a mental note to do some loads of laundry, make some meals and clean up a little before he leaves later. 

He sees Castiel’s hair poking out from the top of the comforter and sets the bags down near his nightstand. Slipping off his shoes and jacket, Dean slides into bed next to Cas and wraps his arms around him. Cas turns to face him and Dean can see the dark circles under his eyes, the exasperation in his face.

“Scale of 1 to 10?” Dean asks him.

“Nine.”

Dean tightens the grip of his arms around Cas and in turn, Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s waist.

“Damn,” he whistles, “Hasn’t been that high in a while. Did something happen?”

Cas shifts with uncertainty before he talks. “I dunno. Everything was fine, I had lunch with Gabriel, which was nice, but then he mentioned about Naomi wanting to speak with me. I told him to tell her I wasn’t interested, and the rest of lunch was good, but after we left, I could just feel it creeping in. And I just remembered the last thing I said to her and it hit me, and that’s when I texted you.”

Cas’s eyes scanned Dean’s face before he continued, “I feel bad for not wanting to see her cause she’s my mother, but I just can’t. And I miss my other siblings so much but she still won’t let me see them unless we talk, but I don’t wanna. I wanna hate her for everything she’s done to me but...” Cas trails off, not wanting to say whatever is bound to come next, but Dean looks at him and nods his head to go on. Tears start to well up in Cas’s eyes and he finishes the sentence with a whine, “she’s still my mother and I love her and I miss her.”

He starts to cry and leans into Dean, so he just holds Cas while he lets out his heartbroken sobs. Once his they reduce to just sniffles, Dean speaks up. “You’re allowed to love her and miss her Cas, even if you don’t wanna be around her or even speak to her. You’re allowed to be hurt by what she’s done to you, but you’re also allowed to still love her despite it.”

Cas looks up into Dean’s eyes with a small smile, and gives him a squeeze. “Thank you, Dean, for being here and saying that.”

“Of course, Cas. That’s what I’m here for. But if you ever do want to talk to her or see her, I can be there for you. No matter what you want to do, tell me and I’ll be there.”

Castiel gives him a big gummy smile that time. He snuggles into Dean’s hold and tangles his legs with Dean’s. With the arm that’s not currently underneath Cas, Dean grabs something out of his line of sight, and gives a quick smile when he pulls out the stash box. 

“How about a blunt while we talk about the crippling weight of being alive?” Dean says with a wink.

Cas laughs and Dean feels the warmth deep in his stomach because he’s the one who brought that smile to his face. Castiel nods his head and Dean lights it and takes a puff before handing it off. They pass the blunt back and forth until it’s done, which is when Dean untangles himself to grab all the snacks he brought, which of course, lights up Cas’s face. 

Dean pulls out the chips, and sees the pure joy on Cas’s face, which dulls the pain of his beloved being hurt. Dean stares at Cas lovingly and says, “I love you, Castiel, with my entire self.”

A soft smile rises to Cas’s face and he leans in to give Dean a kiss. Castiel puts his hand on Dean’s cheek as they break from the kiss, “I love you as well, Dean.”

Later that night, when Dean asks how Cas is feeling, and he says “a solid 6”, they both feel better in knowing they helped each other heal in that moment, if only a little bit.


End file.
